Sometimes I wonder if my husband was ever meant to be a dad. Wow, that sounds so very compassionate. I know he has a job he hates, working with people he hates, living in a body he hates... Unfortunately, all that hate has to come out sometime and someone will be affected. Unfortunately, that someone is usually a family member.
It sure seems to me that if you know that it's not the family member that's irritating you, that you should make an effort to speak civilly to the family member regardless of how you feel and what's going on. And if you can't do that, you should at least apologize
Friday, March 10, 2017
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Grab Them By The Ears
Do you ever come across someone that you want to grab them by the ears, shake them violently and yell:
SNAP OUT OF IT!!!
Me too. Today. My husband.
My daughter was trying to explain something about herself, about who she was and what she's been through... the shape of her heart... Granted, she should have used "I" statements, but heck, she's 16 and she's still learning the grand art of communication. At least she's trying. So she's explaining this... okay, so what it is, she was explaining how in her perception, her sister is her dad's favorite. She already has a low self esteem, and of course what she perceives is in no way reality, nevertheless it is HER reality. Well, her dad pole vaulted into the land of false conclusions, got super defensive and angry (three of his most excellent skills). He yelled at her all the way home. Did I mention this happened on the way home from church? He said he felt like she'd slapped him in the face - I am still trying that one out. I tried to explain that it was her perception and reminded him that it isn't what is, it's what's perceived (one of his famous fallbacks for justifying the way he responds). I also told him he can't use that for himself and then not allow someone else to use it. Since he can't understand why she perceives it that way, well, she's wrong.
This strain of miscommunication has been prevalent throughout my married life. Not on my part... don't get me wrong, I know I miscommunicate at times, and I'll be the first to admit it. BUT, I always strive to do better, to learn a new way of getting my point across clearly without degrading the listener, and listening to their point as well so that I have a better understanding of where they're coming from.
So, his answer? Whenever he can afford it, he's going to go away for a few months.
What the WHAT!? Since when is running away the answers to all your problems? That's rich... I updated my facebook page the other day with this exact thing: "I want to run away"... (refer back to hypocrisy meter). The only difference between him and me in this respect is that I was simply tired of adulting and wanted to run away from my responsibilities. He has conflict that he can't master (or be master of) and he folds.
Our church is hosting a one day leadership seminar, and one of the breakout sessions is on communication. I was looking forward to attending the event with my husband, but he has now decided he isn't going.
Here's the thing that we all must remember:
Because in the end, we are all only responsible for ourselves. For our thoughts, our actions, our responses, our beliefs.
My daughter needs to change her thinking. My husband needs to change how he responds. I need to change my thought pattern to say "I am not responsible for fixing you or your drama".
My husband is up from his nap and is now watching hunting videos, and I'm spent and can no longer concentrate.
I guess this journal is doing its job.
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Rental Woes
My husband and I have always rented the homes we've lived in, we have never owned. Our mind set has always been, why buy, when you can rent? Someone else would be responsible for repairs, taxes, insurance, etc... Plus, why be chained to one location? When you rent, you're mobile, you can choose to find a new home should you tire of your current one.
Well, our mind set has changed.
In December, we moved. We'd lived at our previous residence for 3 1/2 years, dealing with an anal landlord/owner and our elderly next door neighbor who thought he was the Mayor of the road we lived on.
It takes about a year to really get a feel for a new place, and to really feel like you're home. It was about this time frame that we began looking for somewhere new. We were so relieved to finally find something, and moving our of our previous place was stuff of nightmares. The owner was so anal with details of our move out that he hired a cleaning company to go over the work of the cleaning company we hired. He was spiteful and abusive in his communications with me. I am so glad we no longer have to deal with him.
It took 2 1/2 years of looking, off and on, to find the house we're in now. Best house yet in all our 21 years together. 2300 square feet, 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath, REC ROOM - hello!!! Not to mention that even though it's five minutes from a large shopping center, it's rural. Deer walk through our property ALL THE TIME!!! Tons of quail, rabbits and birds. Even though with the tremendous rainfall this year and the rec room flooding, even though the water pressure sucks, even though the windows need new seals, even though the kitchen faucet needs replacing... even though all of these things, we loved the house. Loved it!
Catch that past tense? Keep reading...
Two days after we signed the year lease, the owner died. That's right, died. The house is now in a trust and and the FIVE siblings have decided to sell the house, putting it on the market first week of April.
FUCK. ME.
Now, I have to say this. The trustee that we've been dealing with, who lives just two houses down, has been very kind and generous. He has offered us incentives to break our lease early, and has reduced our rent by $300 since we will have to give realtors next day access to view the house. Plus, we've been promised our full security deposit returned. Very generous.
This does not, however, make me feel better. The first week after hearing the news, I was all screwed up. Couldn't sleep, on the edge of tears, frantic. I am normally the glue in the family. I don't stress easily, but this has me by the... ahem....
So, the search for a new home begins... again.
Well, our mind set has changed.
In December, we moved. We'd lived at our previous residence for 3 1/2 years, dealing with an anal landlord/owner and our elderly next door neighbor who thought he was the Mayor of the road we lived on.
It takes about a year to really get a feel for a new place, and to really feel like you're home. It was about this time frame that we began looking for somewhere new. We were so relieved to finally find something, and moving our of our previous place was stuff of nightmares. The owner was so anal with details of our move out that he hired a cleaning company to go over the work of the cleaning company we hired. He was spiteful and abusive in his communications with me. I am so glad we no longer have to deal with him.
It took 2 1/2 years of looking, off and on, to find the house we're in now. Best house yet in all our 21 years together. 2300 square feet, 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath, REC ROOM - hello!!! Not to mention that even though it's five minutes from a large shopping center, it's rural. Deer walk through our property ALL THE TIME!!! Tons of quail, rabbits and birds. Even though with the tremendous rainfall this year and the rec room flooding, even though the water pressure sucks, even though the windows need new seals, even though the kitchen faucet needs replacing... even though all of these things, we loved the house. Loved it!
Catch that past tense? Keep reading...
Two days after we signed the year lease, the owner died. That's right, died. The house is now in a trust and and the FIVE siblings have decided to sell the house, putting it on the market first week of April.
FUCK. ME.
Now, I have to say this. The trustee that we've been dealing with, who lives just two houses down, has been very kind and generous. He has offered us incentives to break our lease early, and has reduced our rent by $300 since we will have to give realtors next day access to view the house. Plus, we've been promised our full security deposit returned. Very generous.
This does not, however, make me feel better. The first week after hearing the news, I was all screwed up. Couldn't sleep, on the edge of tears, frantic. I am normally the glue in the family. I don't stress easily, but this has me by the... ahem....
So, the search for a new home begins... again.
Monday, February 27, 2017
Blog CPR
Stayin' Alive, Stayin' Alive, AH AH AH AH
That's me doing chest compressions on this blog. It was dead, but I'm bringing it back to life, mostly for the sake of my sanity.
Sometimes life becomes so overwhelming that you want to crawl into a dark corner, curl up in the fetal position and cry.
That, or run away.
For me, it's not one big life crisis. It's all the little things that add up, like being caught in a riptide. You swim and swim and swim, but you end up further away from your destination than when you started.
And I am so freaking tired.
I hardly ever get time to myself, I don't do anything for myself, and I don't have any close girlfriends to talk to. That's why I have decided to resurrect this blog, so I have someone, or in this case, something to talk to. I need an outlet, and this is it.
Total transparency.
That's me doing chest compressions on this blog. It was dead, but I'm bringing it back to life, mostly for the sake of my sanity.
Sometimes life becomes so overwhelming that you want to crawl into a dark corner, curl up in the fetal position and cry.
That, or run away.
For me, it's not one big life crisis. It's all the little things that add up, like being caught in a riptide. You swim and swim and swim, but you end up further away from your destination than when you started.
And I am so freaking tired.
I hardly ever get time to myself, I don't do anything for myself, and I don't have any close girlfriends to talk to. That's why I have decided to resurrect this blog, so I have someone, or in this case, something to talk to. I need an outlet, and this is it.
Total transparency.
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