Grab Them By The Ears

Do you ever come across someone that you want to grab them by the ears, shake them violently and yell:

SNAP OUT OF IT!!! 

Me too.  Today.  My husband. 

My daughter was trying to explain something about herself, about who she was and what she's been through... the shape of her heart... Granted, she should have used "I" statements, but heck, she's 16 and she's still learning the grand art of communication.  At least she's trying.  So she's explaining this... okay, so what it is, she was explaining how in her perception, her sister is her dad's favorite.  She already has a low self esteem, and of course what she perceives is in no way reality, nevertheless it is HER reality.  Well, her dad pole vaulted into the land of false conclusions, got super defensive and angry (three of his most excellent skills).  He yelled at her all the way home.  Did I mention this happened on the way home from  church?  He said he felt like she'd slapped him in the face - I am still trying that one out.  I tried to explain that it was her perception and reminded him that it isn't what is, it's what's perceived (one of his famous fallbacks for justifying the way he responds).  I also told him he can't use that for himself and then not allow someone else to use it.  Since he can't understand why she perceives it that way, well, she's wrong.

This strain of miscommunication has been prevalent throughout my married life.  Not on my part...  don't get me wrong, I know I miscommunicate at times, and I'll be the first to admit it.  BUT, I always strive to do better, to learn a new way of getting my point across clearly without degrading the listener, and listening to their point as well so that I have a better understanding of where they're coming from. 

So, his answer?  Whenever he can afford it, he's going to go away for a few months.

What the WHAT!?  Since when is running away the answers to all your problems?  That's rich... I updated my facebook page the other day with this exact thing:  "I want to run away"... (refer back to hypocrisy meter).  The only difference between him and me in this respect is that I was simply tired of adulting and wanted to run away from my responsibilities.  He has conflict that he can't master (or be master of) and he folds.

Our church is hosting a one day leadership seminar, and one of the breakout sessions is on communication.  I was looking forward to attending the event with my husband, but he has now decided he isn't going.

Here's the thing that we all must remember: 

Because in the end, we are all only responsible for ourselves.  For our thoughts, our actions, our responses, our beliefs.

My daughter needs to change her thinking.  My husband needs to change how he responds.  I need to change my thought pattern to say "I am not responsible for fixing you or your drama". 

My husband is up from his nap and is now watching hunting videos, and I'm spent and can no longer concentrate. 

I guess this journal is doing its job.